Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
