Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
