Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
