Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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