they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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