does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
