Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
