walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
