i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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