I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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