So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
