guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
