She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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