so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
