i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize