last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
