i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
