Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
