highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
