I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
