South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
