i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
