I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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