Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
