The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
