just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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