i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
