i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can't turn off my feet"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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