I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
