Don't you send me to vm
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
