Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
