i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
