Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
