he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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