i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
