What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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