Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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