Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
