Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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