When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
