i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
