The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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