i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
