Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
