Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I had to cum in my sink.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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