so explain again why im purple
no
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
