Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
