I feel great
I just peed on a car
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
