textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
