Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
