Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
