I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
