I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
