There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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