I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you had me at cake vodka
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize