alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
