I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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