I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
