I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
