uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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