i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
