i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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