so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
