I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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