Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My life is pants optional.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
