Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
